Fun Filled DPR Flyer Story
One day, ScreamerClauz & Paul Pfeiffer decided it would be a good idea to print up a bunch of flyers and plaster them around the Poconos, seeing as we are pretty unknown around their area. So I bought some color printer paper and printed around 700 half-sheet flyers. They came in Red, Green, Blue, White & Yellow. We loaded up the car and started out on their journey (We were originally going to take pictures of them doing it and post them on the website but decided against it). The first stop was the gas station to get gas. As we were filling up the car Paul get out and taped on the pole. 1 flyer down and man did it look beautiful on that pole just swaying with the wind, it's just what that pole needed, a nice blue DPR flyer. The car now on full so their journey continued down the road about 2 miles to a little Ice Cream stand called "Gables".
Gables is a big teen hang out because all the kids around here really have nothing better to do then hang around out an ice cream stand all day being "cool", sad story I know. But, seeing as this was big teen hang out, we decided some flyers would do nicely here. Another interesting point about Gables is that they only hire pretty teen age girls so that all the teen guys will keep coming back just to see them and have to buy something, they'll never admit that though. We pull up to the parking lot and the place was empty (It was November and a school day, so not to many people were around). We get out to put up a few flyers, and what do we see? 2 teenage girls working at the window, who called it! We decided to avoid having to talk to them about what we were doing we would just plaster them all over their sign, that way people driving by would be able to see them too! So we get out to do that and you can see the girls at the counter saying "what the fuck are they doing???" and throwing little hissy fits, oh well fuck them, our flyers are up! We get back in the car and continue on the journey.
We decide our next journey will be a few feet down the road at Friendly's. We decided to go to Friendly's because our friend Kyle works there and thought he might find it funny, we didn't see him though. We put them on Pole's Walls & payphones, another store tagged! Back in the car we went to this little shopping center that had a Pizza Place, DR's office and other crap, we figured "what the hell! We have about 700 flyers, let's get some flyers up there!" so that’s what we did, nothing really special about this place, we just thought it could use some flyers. Our next stop was Office Max. We tagged some pole's, walls, stop signs and what not with our lovely little flyer. Right across the street from Office Max is Target, so guess where we went next!
Target is another place the teens pointlessly go to hang out, thank god for the Poconos! We put them all over the parking lot and the walls of the store. At one point an employee came out and saw me hanging one up, he didn't seem to care though, he just laughed and waved, but why would he care, they don't pay him enough to care what goes on their walls. And fuck that, if Jehovah witness's can knock on my door at 8 in the morning and preach their religion to me, I should be able to hang a fucking flyer on the wall, cunts. Target was done, and back in the car we went. We thought to our selves "What bigger teen hang out is there then the mall!" So to the Stroudsburg Mall we went. We arrived at the mall and decided this time we were gonna put some on the inside of the store. We hang them on Soda machines, pay phones, store windows & so on. We even went into the FYE's techno section and left some in there for all the trance fans to find and go "eeeww! Hardcore! I can't shake my glow sticks to this!". We then went to KB to see if Fuzzkilla was working, which he wasn't. Time to exit the mall before the Mall Security on their $7 an hour ego trips noticed what we were doing and would try to give us shit. We decided that the Parking lot might be a good idea.
We hit up parking lot lights, handicap parking signs, walls and everything we can find. Now, for those of your who don't live in the Poconos (99.9% of you) the Stroudsburg mall tried to be "hip" with the art crowd and bought this really ugly monstrous orange sculpture thing (that looks a disgruntled crane operator got pissed off at his job and decided to drop a big stack of orange metal and it got stuck in the ground and they just couldn't figure out how to get it out). Even more pathetic is the fact that the art department at our high school tried to convince the school board to buy it for the school at one point, thankfully they rejected that idea. We decided that this fucking thing need something to make it look better, some flyers! So we plastered them on that, we felt good about our selves. It was now getting dark, which was good because that means less people would see us and try to give us shit. Now, it's time for another "interesting" story about the Poconos/Stroudsburg. About 5 miles away from the mall there is a street called "Main Street" that is this half a mile long strip of stores. They're another place that tries to be hip because they have Coffee shops, a comic book store, a CD store, restaurants, bars and all that crap. They really think they are hot shit. If you have ever seen their commercial on local TV (yes.... Main Street has it's own commercial....) They have all this classical music and have people dancing around the streets explaining everything they have and about their excellent art and night life (they ever have part at the end with people painting and doing ballet). They're trying to be another South Street in Philly but just fail miserably. They even just put in a Punk Rocker store that we saw many 12 year old Avril Lavigne fans going into (Nothing against Avril, I think she's hot), MAIN STREET IS FUCKING HIP!!!! Every time I go there, I just feel like "wow, I really live in a nice artsy place, the rest of Poconos aren't as hip as this place!" But, as lame as the street is, a lot of people go there, especially teens, they even have rave flyers in the CD store, so off we go.
We arrive there and get out of the car for some plastering. We went crazy this time, we must have put a flyer every 5 feet of both sides of the street. At least 250 flyers went up on that street alone. When we got the punk store we hung a flyer on it's window and this Avril fan came walking out with her mom, and she went over to look at our flyer and her mom grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away like she was pulling her out of burning building and said "don't go near them!" Haha, it was really funny. We then went into the music store and put some on the bulletin board (Finally we put up a flyer legally!!). And we looked around and bought some records for 25 cents each. I bought Alvin & The Chipmunks, Flash Dance, Frank Sinatra, & David Bowie. Paul Pfeiffer bought a comedy record, Peter framten and some other stuff. It was now time to get the fuck out of downtown Stroudsburg. Having a shit load of flyers left, we decided it was time to go advertise to all the college fuck holes and went to East Stroudsburg university. It is now bitter cold (the Poconos is always bitter cold) but we sucked it up like men and decided the rest of the flyers we had left we're going in this god forsaken place. But first we had to piss, so rather then having to fight with managers of stores about using their bathrooms, we snuck into a local apartment complex's parking lot and did our business their, not our classiest moment ever, but hey, we had to go.
So we get there and we see a few classes are still going on. We so wanted to just kick open a class room door and start throwing flyers all over the room while screaming at the top of our lungs, but we decided keeping a low profile would be best, because the Poconos wouldn't hesitate to arrest us for "defacing public property" since they really have nothing else to do. So we go from building to building hanging out shit up. All we see every where is Jocks & Preppy fuck holes, god it was awful, College is awful, it should die. As we were walking through to bitter cold with hundreds of flyers in our hands we Started to ask ourselves what’s the point of advertising here, none of these ass holes like techno, and even if they do, Defiantly not Hardcore. But what ever, we were here and we had flyers. We went to one of the dorms and the wall it said "I Love So & So" so we covered up the name with a flyer so it said "I Love Deadly Productions Records" haha, pretty fucking Clever right? So we then decided to make a stop at the library because Paul's girl friend works there and he wanted to leave Her some love notes on the back of flyers. So we did that and these girls asked us if we took biology with so and so and we Told her we don't go here and how school is stupid. We then got on some of the computers and tried to change to home pages to Our website but they blocked it and we weren't in the mood to figure out a way around the block. We then walked out of the Library and ran into one of our high school friends. We stopped and talked to her about stuff. She mentioned that she worked For the ESU cops, we just looked at each other like "oh great, she's probably going to give us a speech" but she said she Didn’t care. We then hit up the last few building we missed, including the inside gym (what the fuck were we thinking there??). We also almost got in a fight with this stupid ass hole who thought he would be cool and rip some of our flyers down and giggle about it with these stupid college girls, we were so ready to kick his ass but he went into the dorm before we could catch up with him,fucking cock. We decided that was enough for now, we only had about 20 flyers left and decided it was time to go home. We were Hungry and my favorite restaurants are buffets because I hate waiting for waitress and cooks to get the shit done. We decide to Go to the truck stop Buffet on the way home, but they were closing in 15 minutes, so that dream was shattered. We then ended up Going back to the Stroudsburg mall and ate at Burger King, my second favorite restaurant. They were playing Spongebob on TV, So we watched it and ate. We left some flyers there and got back in the car. On the drive home you could still see flyers From the street, it was beautiful the Poconos now had a nice shade of DPR. We pasted by Gables and they took them down, We Said nasty phrases about them and considered stopping and hanging up more, but at this point it was like 80 below freezing And we were tired of looking at flyers. We arrived back at my house and Paul came in for a few minutes and hung out and a While and we discussed how great out flyer hanging journey had been. He then left and the day was over.
Or was it? I awoke the next day to a nice friendly email from the owner of Main Street, and here is what they had to say: